You Don't Have to Kill Yourself. Three Bold Action Steps to Make Your Life Worth Living. If I Can Do It, You Can Too!

I'm reading "Ben's Story: The Symptoms of Depression, Adhd and Anxiety That Caused His Suicide" a book by Trudy Carlson.  This could have been me.  I'm an older gentleman now, but as a child, and for most of my life, I was troubled, much like Ben probably was.

I was a problem child.  My mother had to go to school frequently due to my misbehavior.  I was teased because I stuttered, was fat, and had glasses.  I stuttered so badly I could hardly talk so they figured I was mentally retarded.  If there were labels then, I probably would have had many of the ones used today.  I was so fat no one wanted me for sports or much of anything else.  I retreated inward, spending much of my time roaming the alleys of my neighborhood.  I did have some bright spots, however, finding electronics and science interesting.

In adolescence, I was not much better, if not worse.  I was getting scared because I was supposed to pull myself together to prepare for life.  I did the best I could.  Life wasn't so good.  The song phrase "I'm tired of living and scared of dying" from the song "Ol' Man River" fit me then, and still sometimes today.  Today, I don't let it get the best of me.

From adolescence to mid-life, I was a troubled adult, not much good for anything, or so I thought, with lots of bad habits.  Around the age of 40, I had a brain tumor that stopped me in my life.  I recovered from surgery and had a new life, or so I thought.  Old habits came back.  I knew that I had problems.  One of my major problems was low self-esteem.  I finally got some help at work through the EAP.  I had some counseling and joined some support groups.  This was, and is still, helpful in my life.

Basically, I had to take myself apart and put myself back together, so that I felt good about myself.  I had to shed old thinking, beliefs, and ways of acting/reacting to life.

Listed below is what I did that might be helpful for you.  I did these things mid-life, but maybe you can improve your life earlier.  Life is worth living if you make it worth living.  You have the power to do that.  One of my favorite sayings to myself is "Don't let you or anyone else get you down".

1. First, find at least one person, animal, or other living thing that accepts you just as you are.  I found this acceptance in a support group.  No one tried to fix me.  They just listened and cared.  This was and is very important to me.
2. Second, get your life back.  If you're anything like me you have a head-full of what others want you to do, think and believe.  Sort it out for yourself.  Keep what is meaningful or helpful to you and discard the rest.  This book helped me "How To Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons" by Albert Ellis.  Others in your life might not like you changing and thinking for yourself, but it's your life, not theirs.
3. Next, after you know yourself better, learn to be assertive, as needed.  Bullying is nothing new and it doesn't happen only to children.  Adults are bullied, too, by other powerful adults,  bosses, sales people, organizations, etc.  You have to learn how to say no appropriately and how to push back stuff that is not yours and that you do not want.  I learned assertiveness at a local community college in a night course.  From what I remember, the book in the course was "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Manuel J. Smith.

Today, I feel good most of the time.  If I don't, it's okay too.  I just hang in there.  Outside, I've lost about 100 pounds and am mostly stutter-free.  Inside, I'm okay with myself.  I still don't fit into main-stream life very well, but that's okay too.  I'm happy with myself.   Some people like me, some others don't like me, and that's okay.  I like me and think that I am doing some good in this world.  I have a right to be here.

In conclusion, I hope you find a better way than your miserable life, much earlier than I did.  You don't have to kill yourself, either quickly in a gun-shot, or slowly by bad health habits.  You are worth it.  If others say you are worthless, walk away, because you know better.

Photo - I chose this public domain photo of Lindsey Erin because of her song “Just As I Am” - "a song that talks about self-esteem and confidence. This is very important to Lindsey as she strives hard to educate people on bullying prevention. This song speaks strongly of acceptance and seems to be a fan favorite at all of her shows."

Disclaimer - Article is for information only and is not medical advice.